Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
