remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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