Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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