we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
