Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
