Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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