O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
