Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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