If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
