You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
A+ Viking dick
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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