My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
