Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
where are my eyebrows?
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