We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
