and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
