My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
