Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
