she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
