i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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