i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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