for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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