he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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