I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
