Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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