so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
