So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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