it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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