Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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