i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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