susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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