Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Michael Bay diarrhea
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
