It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
