i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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