3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
