You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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