girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
