elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
