you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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