So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
