I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
sarcasm needs its own font
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
