I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm just crazy horny about you
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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