well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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