and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
