Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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