I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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