Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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