Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
