I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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