That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
