I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
