i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
